GAH! Accursed Edit Restriction!!!, What will happen to the world if there is a time limit to reparations? Options

[The Silent One]

Here, I'm gonna post my first true fic here in RB. Disclaimers? Hold your horses, I'll get to that soon enough.

Updates will come by randomly, since I would not have much time to type them out and post 'em, as opposed to just having a "conversation" in the boards.





DISCLAIMER: Gravity for the copyrights of practically all settings, and character classes, items, and skills; Level Up Inc. for the game rules; Tri-Ace's Valkyrie Profile series for Lenneth Valkyrie; Halo for the Plasma Rifles; myself for the characters, their personas, and some settings in the fic. Other disclaimers and copyright citations will be declared before a chapter if deemed necessary because it cannot be added here in the first post because of the edit restriction.

Since I have classes in half an hour, I can't possibly begin to type Prologue/Chapter 1 right here and now. Instead, I will just list down the four major characters of this fiction, so that the story's progression will move at a relatively faster rate. (Descriptions not present here will be mentioned in the story itself)

Gabriel
Job class: Sniper
Race: human
Favorite weapon: Gakkung
Favorite headgear: A fake Balance book, where the apple is glued to the book and there are headstraps.
Usual clothes: Regular sniper gear
Remarkable trait: Compassion
Favorite line: "The things I do for the greater good..."
Misc.: He's the "Good guy" among the four.

Lenneth
Job class: none
Race: Valkyrie
Favorite Weapon: Balmung
Usual clothes: exactly the same ones Lenneth wears in the PS1 game Valkyrie Profile
Remarkable trait: Loyalty
Favorite line: "...in the name of Odin!"
Misc.: She is currently in Midgard undertaking a quest to retrieve the Fragments of the soul of her sister, Freya, who she accidentally slain in a mock battle and now requires one last fragment before she can return to Asgard.

Jeffrey
Job class: Swordsman High
Race: Human
Favorite Weapon: +10 Fortune Sword
Usual clothes: SH apparel. He also wears a cap that says "Snipers and Hunters suck! You have a problem with that? Then you can just kiss my ***!"
Remarkable trait: he hates Snipers/Hunters for no reason at all.
Favorite line: "Snipers and Hunters SUCK!"
Misc.: there's a reason why he doesn't want to become a Lord Knight...

Hackerz
Job class: Novice
Race: unknown (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) (probably human, nonetheless)
Favorite Weapons: +100 Double Perfect Plasma Rifle of Double Verserk, +100 Double Bloody Double Critical Plasma Rifle
Usual clothes: Novice attire
Remarkable trait: —CENSORED—
Favorite line: "...for I...am the One."
Misc.: All battle scenes involving him will be written in a "serious" style of narration.

First chapter/Prologue will be up...sometime this week I hope.

This post has been edited by The Silent One: Sep 6 2006, 10:56 AM

[The Silent One]

And here is the first chapter. (Thank god for free time!)

===================

Prologue: Royal Decree

King Tristan the third in all his majestic glory stood before a mass of his loyal subjects, aloft in an elevated podium.

The crowd murmured as he cleared his throat. The whispers seemed to grow louder every second, possibly overwhelming the city of Prontera in time.

His Majesty raised his hand, and everyone hushed. One could hear the trickling of the famous Prontera fountain behind the podium.

“My loyal subjects! my friends! My comrades in arms! Lend me your ears,” the King began. “Today is a great day, one so important that a general assembly of the populace, nobles and plebeians, must attend! Now, my loyal subjects tell me, what is the worst thing that has ever plagued our great, grandiose Empire?”

The crowd, in a chaotic way, whispered; some raised their voices and answered the King himself.

“Prostitution!”

“No, you dolt! It’s premarital sex!”

“Drugs!!!”

“No, the Black Plague!”

“Tobacco!!”

“Schools!!”

“Detention, to be precise, you mean!”

“All of you are wrong! It’s homosexuality!”

Everyone began to argue; the King immediately called their attention. “WAIT!” They stopped and turned to gaze at him. “All of you are correct! Except for schools, everything you gave was among the worst plagues Prontera has ever experienced! But you forgot one thing, the most sickening thing that ever infested our Empire!”

“Well,” cried a knight. “Tell us what the ****ing hell you’re referring to!!!”

“YEAH!” chorused the crowd.

“You said it,” the King said, pointing to the now dumbfounded knight. “Yes, everyone, it is vulgarity. Everyone says this. Nobles, Royalty, and even the laymen say vulgar words at least once a day!”

“So what do you propose?” a crusader asked.

“Yeah,” a priest added. “What do you intend to do about it?”

The King smiled. “Simple. We’re going to incorporate it into our regular language!”

“WHAT!?” roared the crowd.

“Allow me to explain, my subjects,” said Tristan. “Vulgar words are called vulgar because they are bad and just plain mean! They con—what’s that word…oh yeah—! They connote forbidden ground, so that the insults they in-in---instigate are intensified! For example, the word ‘****’. It means poo, but calling someone a poohead is insulting but still tolerable. Calling someone a ****head is no longer tolerable because the word, used as a prefix, **** is what you call a forbidden word.”

The mass of Pronterans nodded.

“So,” the King went on,” if we incorporate it into our daily use of language, its forbidden stature will disappear and these curse words of vulgarity will NO LONGER BE curse words of vulgarity!”

The mob roared with enthusiasm.

“And so, fellow Pronterans, starting today, our schools will be teaching the children these former forbidden words! These words can be said by anyone, anytime inside Rune-Midgard! If we use it long enough, those connotative meanings shall be forever erased!”

“YAAAAHOOOOO!!!!” cried the crowd.

“To signify,” said the King, “the implementation of this royal decree, I shall be the first to act upon it!”

He coughed and cleared his throat. He began to yell. “Prontera is a ****ing great city! No other ****ing city can be ****ing better than us! Not ****ting Morroc, not ********ing Geffen, not *******ing Payon, no one! All those other cities are a bunch of ****faced, **********ing ****masters!”

The crowd roared even more and began to shout similar atrocities in the air. Suddenly, these vigorous cries of vulgarity quickly changed to screams of fear, pain, panic, and death.

****ing Prontera was under ****ing attack!

The King glared angrily at his attackers: soldiers from all neighboring cities and Kingdoms! The wizards and blacksmiths of Geffen, the sages of Juno, the assassins and rogues of Morroc; practically everyone!

“Everyone, go to your ****ing battle stations!” ordered the King. “It is time to defend your ****ing King and destroy the attacking ****faces!!!”

Everyone prepared to fight; a vicious battle was ahead of Prontera.

But…this is the wrong story and the wrong point of view.

The real ****ing story begins the next day, in the quiet humble town of Los Diablo…

=======

Current number of censored words: 18.

This post has been edited by The Silent One: Sep 6 2006, 04:50 PM

[Raistlin]

Current number of censored words: 18.

ingat na ingat ah..(IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) o.Ov

[Nirvelli Sakray]

(Was somewhere in Japan as she read this)

*chopsticks in her hand breaks*

[Malaya]

Ok.. here my comment since you guys came to my own fic for disection..

Ahem ahem.

A HAHAHAHAHA
BWAHAHAHAHA

TEHEE HEE HEE HEE!!!

[Nilathiel]

Wonderfully done, TSO. XD The hilarity overwhelms me.

[Cruxilon Luciend...]

hehehehehehehehehe... stick it up there **** mate.

cheers!!

[The Silent One]

I'm not sure if chapter 1's gonna be as funny as the prologue (yeah I was laughing hard when I was still typing the prologue (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) ) but you guys decide on that.

Anyway, here's chapter 1.

====================

The Sniper, the Valkyrie, and the Swordsman

Gabriel held a piece of parchment in his gloved hands as he dressed himself in the regular, everyday garments of a sniper, dyed red for uniqueness, in his room. The parchment was similar to a newspaper, its headlines reading:

THE KING DECLARES CRAPPY ROYAL DECREE

His Majesty King Tristan III declares all vulgar words non-vulgar and must be incorporated into the ****ing verna—what-ever-you-call-it! He initiated it by reciting a litany of verbal attacks against Rune-Midgard’s neighboring nations; the High Council of the Church has approved of this and so did the rest of Prontera. Nevertheless, the *****ing councils of Payon, Geffen and the other major cities do not approve of this crap because they are being ****** KJs; negotiations are not an option (continued on Crappy Royal Decree // A5)

RUNE-MIDGARD'S RESPONSE TO CRAPPY ROYAL DECREE

In other news, Geffen, Juno, Morroc, Payon, and Alberta has declared all-out war against Prontera in response to His Majesty’s ****** royal decree. Fatalities in the empiric citadel are estimated to be around 500, while fatalities in the opposing ****ing *** armies are bordering on ****ting ten thousand. The ***** Midgardian Inquirer (HMI) has interviewed (continued on Response to Crappy Royal Decree // A17)

Gabe shook his head as he wore the Balance Book on his hazel hair. “Just what is the world coming to these days?”

Taking his trusty Gakkung beside his door, he steps outside into the hallway, where he sees Lenneth descending the stairs.

“Hey, Len!” he called, waving the parchment. “Have you seen the news?”

“Seen the news?” Len answered with a shout. “In the name of Odin, Gabriel, I already did!”

He followed her down into a dining room, where she was eating barbequed pork. Gabriel the Sniper joined her.

“What do you make of it?” he asked.

“This is all a bunch of nonsense, if you want my opinion,” Len answered. “In the name of Odin, I'm very appalled to see humans can be so………so……………so stupid!”

“Yeah, I find it hard to believe our own King’s an idiot.”

The Valkyrie wiped off a brown smudge on her white robe. “Gabriel, it’s even harder to believe—in the name of Odin—that there’s someone like Hackerz in this world. You’ve heard anything about his latest project?”

“You mean Hack’s little scheme? I’m not sure what he’s making right now,” the sniper answered. “Though I’ve heard he calls it the SFBA.”

“SFBA? What in the name of Odin is that?”

“I’m not sure myself; we have to ask either him or Jeffrey about that. You know how much that guy idolizes the novice.”

“And how much that guy hates you and your kind,” Lenneth added. She leaned towards Gabe. “Why doesn’t he become a lord knight? I’m curious.”

“It’s something about his dad,” said Gabriel. “Something about him being forced to follow his father’s footsteps.”

“Oh. Anyway, I’m going up and dress. I’ll meet you outside.”

“Sure.”

As soon as Lenneth went upstairs, a loud noise rang throughout the first floor of the house like a doorbell.

A familiar voice—with all its apparent rudeness—was heard. “Hey Gabriel, you ****ing sniper, guess what happened yesterday!!”

Gabriel rolled his green eyes. Jeffrey’s pretty early today…

Swallowing the last pieces of his meal, he went to the oaken door and opened it. There was Jeffrey, with his blue hair, his purple eyes, and that annoying grin of his.

His fortune sword was sheathed on his side. “Took you long enough, you ****faced *******. Anyway, guess what happened!”

“The King announced all vulgar words to be affixed into the vernacular, right?” he answered.

“Yeah!” gleefully cried the swordsman high. “Now I can say **** and **** anytime I want and no one will scold me, not even my parents!” He winked and smirked.

“Dream on, Jeff, dream on.”

“Whatever, you *****! You’re a big fat stupid son of a ********ing ***** who likes to lick ***** and eat ****! ****, ****-itty, ****, and **** you, Gabriel, you lousy sniper!”

The sniper was starting to get pissed.

“Snipers and hunters suck, Gabriel!” Jeff cried. “By the way, check out my new cap!” He took off his cap and shoved it into Gabe’s face. “Care to read the words?”

The cap boldly read: Snipers and hunters suck! If you have a problem with that, then you can kiss my fat, smelly ***!

“Err…I’m gonna pass up on that one,” the sniper answered.

“Fine; so, wanna kiss my ***?”

“HELL NO!!!”

Suddenly Lenneth dropped down behind Jeffrey from a second floor window. “Hello guys; in the name of Odin, I’ve been hearing another argument!”

“Yeah, Len!” cried Jeff. “This ****er right here still sucks ***! Why do you hang out with this ****ty loser anyway?”

Len smiled and brushed some dust off her blue garbs and the silvery sheath of the Balmung. “Gabriel helped me get most of Freya’s soul fragments, remember?”

“But I helped too, didn’t I?”

“No, Jeff. As I recall, from Odin’s gracious name, you were slacking around.”

“GAAH!” Jeff yelled. He turned to the sniper. “You’re a ****ing *****, Gabe! A big fat ********ing sniper! All you snipers and hunters are the same! All of you just have to keep ruining everyone else’s fun, you goddamn *******ing sons and daughters of gay****ing, ***wiping ****mas—”

“If you don’t mind,” interjected Lenneth, “can you tell us, in the name of Odin, what the SFBA is?”

To be continued...

=======================

Number of censored words in this chapter: 34
Current number of censored words: 18 + 34 = 52

Author's note: If uncensored, by God, this will be very shocking indeed. Anyway, imagine each asterisk being censored by a monotonous beeping sound. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

Expect the next update next week or something. School is bothering me again. (Add that to the fact I just woke up an hour ago and I still have a hell lot of homework to finish >___<)

This post has been edited by The Silent One: Sep 8 2006, 05:12 AM

[Thor94]

kung ganun ba beeping sound eh parang southpark na rin yan

nice fic anyways

BTW tambaktambak ang homewaork d2 sa amerika waaaaa d ako sanay pag ako naiinis tagalog sagot k don

[The Silent One]

kung ganun ba beeping sound eh parang southpark na rin yan

Actually it doesn't matter whatever you imagine the censoring thing to be.

If it's a beep, it's like...any other show with many vulgar words in it. We could think of funnier things like what they did in that Spongebob episode I watched a very, VERY long time ago. (Animal sounds as censors...a different animal per word!)

This post has been edited by The Silent One: Sep 8 2006, 05:31 AM

[Thor94]

ung episode ng spongebob na meron nakita na mura c spongebob sa dumpster? haha nakakatawa un

[Nilathiel]

Why not put "in my pants" at the end of every sentence? (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) That would make things even funnier. XD

[Nirvelli Sakray]

{ At Shibuya, Japan when reading this}

can of ginger tea crushes at her hands

[Lars]

The fic wins brolololololol

[Nilathiel]

You can do better with those comments, Sakura. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Keep going TSO! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[liureiyi]

huwaaa,.. bakit parang pareho sila nung Merchants are Evil? /swt

akala ko yun na nga e2 eh,..ahihi

medyo nahirapan lang po ako dun sa filters,.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mellow.gif)
~halos hindi ko na maintindihan~


/no1 kuya TSO!
i'll be waiting for your updates,.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

OT:
aww nagagalit na si ate Sakura (IMG:style_emoticons/default/ohmy.gif)

This post has been edited by liureiyi: Sep 8 2006, 08:46 AM

[allos]

LOL, I couldn't keep myself from laughing, nice fic. The king to be like that... (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif) At first I thought this fic was gonna be like Star Ocean where they are in a game or something. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) Keep it up!

This post has been edited by allos: Sep 8 2006, 09:24 AM

[The Silent One]

huwaaa,.. bakit parang pareho sila nung Merchants are Evil? /swt

akala ko yun na nga e2 eh,..ahihi

medyo nahirapan lang po ako dun sa filters,.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mellow.gif)

Actually, those ARE the same characters from Merchants are EVIL!!!.

Of course, there were five characters in the said fic. Here only 4 out of the entire 5. There's a reason, one that'll be revealed later on. About the filters, I don't think you'd want to know what the characters are really saying...

Sakura's probably mad because she was laughing so hard to the point that ginger tea of hers shot out of her nose. What a waste of good tea. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

@ allos

Just where'd you pick up that idea? Hmm....

===

Nway, no updates for now. Probably not 'til next week or sometime this weekend. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)

[allos]

@ allos

Just where'd you pick up that idea? Hmm....

Nothing really, just a feeling because of the intro and the characters (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

[The Silent One]

Thank god I have time for an update.

Anyway, this is gonna be mostly dialogue. Hope you guys don't mind. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)

Note that later on in this chapter, all Jeffrey's words will be colored in green.

=============================

SFBA………………………Song for *****ing ***holes

The swordsman high cockily shook his head. “No way.”

She clasped her hands in “prayer”. “Please…?” Her eyes sparkled gloriously.

“C’mon Jeff,” Gabe urged. “You know she’ll keep on doing that ‘til you tell her.”

But Jeffrey refused to give in. “Uh-uh,” he childishly retorted. “I’m going to the Devil’s Arena and watch Hack defeat more losers,” he added, pointing his gaze at the Coliseum-like structure not so far to the southwest. “Wanna come with?”

The sniper nodded. “Sure.”

They started to walk towards the coliseum. Jeffrey instantly knew, at the rate they were walking, that it’ll take them at least fifteen minutes to get there. He fumed. “Goddammit, move it! You’re going too slow, you good-for-nothing sniper!”

“Hey!” Gabriel shouted. “It’s not me this time, honest!”

“Oh really?” Jeff bellowed. He turned towards him. “Show me ****ing proof that—” The swordsman’s jaw dropped. Apparently, he and Gabe had left Lenneth standing there in that same position, completely oblivious to her state.

“Goddamn it, Len!” Jeff yelled. “What the **** are you doing!?”

“I’m staying here ‘til you tell me what Hack’s latest project is!” Lenneth cried at the top of her lungs.

The high swordsman shrugged his shoulders. “Okay, then.”

“Hey, don’t just leave her!” Gabriel barked.

“Whatever, I’m outta here.”

“I’ll just ask Hackerz myself, you ingrate!” Lenneth screeched. “I beseech Lord Odin that he curses you in the name of Odin!”

“WHAT-EVER!” came his reply.

Gabriel and Lenneth followed Jeffrey to the Devil’s Arena and eventually caught up with him.

“You really made Len mad,” Gabe told the swordsman high.

“Yeah, I did,” he answered. “So?”

“Hey, Gabriel, we have to talk about the CRD,” the Valkyrie interjected.

The sniper raised his eyebrow. “CRD?”

“Crappy Royal Decree,” she said.

Jeff gave a scream. “Hey, why aren’t you answering me, Gabriel!?”

But the sniper just raised his palm towards him. “Okay,” he said, addressing Len. “What about it?”

“Don’t ignore me!!!”

“That decree was very immoral, don’t you think?”

“Yeah. But what can we do about it?”

“****ing ***** ****heads! Listen to me!!!” Jeffrey started dancing around the pair like a deranged maniac.

“We could protest this atrocity and talk to Mrs. Satan about this,” the Valkyrie suggested.

“HER!?” Gabriel exclaimed. “But you know what happened last time we talked to her about the Red Merchants last month!”

The swordsman high stopped his promenade. “GAH!!!! *****es! Son and daughter of ********ing *****es!” He sulked, lagging behind while the two continue their discussion.

“But Mrs. Satan is the mayor of our town!” argued Len. “There’s no other way to settle this matter.”

“We’re dealing with a Royal Decree here,” the sniper pointed out. “The King’s law will override her declarations!”

“But still, she is the only person of executive and legislative authority here in Los Diablo! You know how incompetent LKO Rich is!”

“I’m bored.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah! Look, he’s there right now!”

Richard the Lord Knight Officer, with his gleaming gray helmet and his long wavy cape, had just cornered a thief at a tree. “Please, officer!” he cried. “I didn’t mean to steal that acolyte’s virginity! Promise!”

“Virginity?” he said. “Just what the ****ing ****ting hell are you talking about, you thieving *******? All I saw you take was a little white…something…from that acolyte!” Rich clarified. “There it is: that brief you hold in your hands!”

He blushed. “Err…that acolyte was my brother! He borrowed my underwear yesterday!” He lied.

Rich countered. “You don’t look like brothers, you idiot!”

“You’re the idiot here!” cried the thief. “My parents adopted him!”

“Oh,” said the LKO. “Then, sorry to have made a mistake then, sir.”

“No problem, officer.” The thief calmly walked away.

Len turned to Gabe. “See what I mean?”

“Okay, fine!” Gabriel cried. “So he’s an incompetent fool!”

“Wish TWO, *****ing people here would ****ing notice me!!!” Jeffrey grumbled and placed his hands in his pockets.

“Anyway, we have to think of something else, just in case our meeting with Mrs. Satan doesn’t turn out right.”

“I’ll just sing a song, goddammit.”

“Hmm… I can’t really think of something, Lenneth.”

****ty ****ty **** ****
****ty ****ty **** ****

The two stopped walking and sat on a nearby wooden bench. Jeffrey just stood by a lamp post and leaned on it.

Gabriel sucks my one big ****,
Everyday, upon the clock.

“Let’s see, we were talking about the immorality of the issue, right?”

****ty ****ty **** ****
****ty ****ty **** ****
Hunters are *****y losers;
Snipers are simply posers.

“Right. But what makes it so immoral?”

“Think about it. If every child begins cursing, Rune-Midgard will have total chaos! Can you imagine a kindergartener saying ‘****’?”

I’m a high swordsman who’s proud to be
Not as ****ed up as he.
****ty ****ty **** ****

“Of course not! Our school’s sages and professors won’t stand for it!”

****ty ****ty **** ****
The King’s decree
Doesn’t border on idiocy
Because he legalized vulgarity!

Gabriel glared at the singing swordsman angrily. “Don’t patronize the CRD, you ***wipe!”

Gabe and Len can’t do a CENSORED thing
‘cuz they can suck what I’m thrusting.
****ty ****ty **** ****
****ty ****ty **** ****

“Calm down, Gabriel!” Lenneth urged. “Jeffrey, don’t sing that song! You’re aggravating him!”

But the swordsman high simply ignored her pleas and continued his insulting melody.

Hunters suck at being jocular
Snipers will never be popular
Gabriel’s my *****y ***wipe
He’s my butt’s lovely wife!

Furiously, Gabriel pushed Len away and aimed his Gakkung at Jeffrey. “Double Strafe!” Two arrows shot from his bow and sped towards the swordsman high.

It would’ve made a direct hit, but Jeff noticed his boots’ laces were untied and kneeled down to retie them, all the while singing his song.

****ty ****ty **** ****
****ty ****ty **** ****
****ty ****ty **** ****
****ty ****ty **** ****

Blinded by rage, Gabe took out a gladius and dashed towards his singing “opponent”, raising his arm for his first attack: one good fist to the face.

Jeffrey noticed his movements at once and ducked.

****ing ****!
Gabriel’s a *****!

Gabe’s initial attack failed; he followed it with one downward swipe with the dagger.

Gabriel’s a ****!
Gabriel needs one big giant KICK!

“Gabriel, stop please!” the Valkyrie implored as Jeffrey slid underneath him and kicked the sniper in the butt.

One boot to the ***, right on sched!

He proceeded to kick him again in the groin.

Another boot to the groin’s embrace!

Keeling in pain, the sniper rolled away from his opponent and threw an oridecon-tipped arrow at the swordsman high.

This counterattack failed when Jeff parried the slow arrow with his fortune sword, attempting a flying kick at his opponent.

One last boot to the head,

The attack connected, but he wasn’t finished there. Eyeing a nearby tree, thin and frail from the malnourished soil of the town, he grabbed it and used his momentum to send his foot at Gabriel’s face.

And a sneaky one to the face!

The sniper fell to the ground; Jeff triumphantly stood before him.

Hunters and snipers suck!
You have a problem with that?
Then give me one big ****,
You crappy homosexual son of a quack!

The swordsman high smiled. “**** you, Gabriel; I’m going to Hack. Go ahead and meet with the Mayor. I’m sure she’ll be happy to see ‘concerned killjoys’ trying to get rid of the wonderful CRD.” He trotted off towards the Coliseum.

Gabe propped himself up with his hands; the Valkyrie ran over to him. “Why…you…Jeffrey,” he uttered. “I’m not…letting you get away with this.”

“Quiet now,” Len said. “You should’ve stopped yourself, Gabriel. I know you better than that.”

“But he was…so annoying,” he gasped. “I wanted to shut him up.”

“You should’ve just ignored him. I’ll heal you up now. Heal!”

A green light enveloped the sniper and closed his wounds. He screamed in pain!

“I’m surprised at you though; you’re acting as if you’ve never been healed by the spell before. Being a transcendent, you of all people should know getting healed by magic is painful.”

“Yeah,” Gabe spoke. “Anyway, back to serious matters, I think we’ll just have to think of another way if she doesn’t comply.”

“Right now?”

“No. We’ll do that later. If we’re lucky, she’ll conform to our protests.”

“What about Jeffrey?”

“Don’t worry. You cursed him anyway; I’m at least happy for that.”

Limping, Gabriel turned to the northwest and began walking towards a large gray building on top of a great hill far away. “Looks like it’s time to meet Mrs. Satan.”

====================

Number of censored words in this chapter: 77
Current number of censored words: 129 = 77 + 52


This post has been edited by Sakura Kasugano: Sep 22 2006, 03:23 AM

[Nirvelli Sakray]

[ Has a fever now and is trying to recover ]

Who taught you all these things for you to make such a fic???
77 censored words... and a song for it to boot...

Who I ask... who?????

I would like to wash that person's mouth... and brain with soap. Anti Bacterial soap with alcohol.

[allos]

Lol, I laughed through the whole fic, it's a nice comedy. But careful on the words (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) 77 censored in just 1 chapter (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

[Cruxilon Luciend...]

ah... yes... iv'e read this one... hehehehehe.... words are simply words... but powerful nonetheless.

[liureiyi]

nyay,.. nahilo pa rin ako sa filters,.. feel ko puro filters na lang kinakanta,.. puro ty ,.. ty,..waaah


pano kaya kung si Mrs. Satan ganun din magsalita,.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wacko.gif)

@ kuya TSO
pede po humingi ng copy nitong fic na walang filters,..?? pleaaseee (IMG:style_emoticons/default/unsure.gif)


tapos biglang pagkatapos kong basahin marunogn na kong magmura,./omg

[The Silent One]

Let's see... well the fight scenes won't be very elaborate. That's pretty much all I can say.

This chapter is actually part one of chapter 3, since chapter 3 is very lengthy. But then, we'll treat the next few chapters separately, meaning... I think you would get the point.

And I have a feeling Mod Sakura would like this update...somewhat.

DISCLAIMER: Slightly obscene scenes. Reader discretion advised.

===============

Gatecrashers

The gray building stood atop its hill, erect with all its glory. Massive cumulonimbus clouds of thunder and lightning permanently remained above it, sending high-voltage bolts at anything that dared to desecrate the hill—thankfully rerouted by lightning rods that utilize the potential differences and currents as a power source for the Town Hall.

A sniper and a Valkyrie poised in front of the steep stairway in front of it, unwary of the great cliff behind the Town Hall, precariously extending to the ground meters below, for they reveled in the creepy yet majestic whitewashed dome on the center of the building, bulging like a woman’s breast, akin to a planetarium.

The sniper cowered in fright as thunder cackled over them without warning, lightning striking the tree behind them.

“I h-h-h-h-ha-ate l-l-li-light-n-ni-ning a-an-and t-t-th-thun-thunder!” Gabriel stammered, timorously trembling from fright.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lenneth calmly reassured him. “We have reasons for coming to this dreaded place…again.”

“L-l-like yo-you n-need to b-b-be wo-wor-worried!” sputtered the sniper. “Y-yo-you’re i-im-imo-mortal!”

“Whatever,” replied Len, grabbing Gabe’s shaking hand. She dragged the paralyzed sniper up the stairs with her, her eyes filled with the determination to make things right, to abolish the Crappy Royal Decree and punish the King for his idiocy.

* * * * *

Inside the Town Hall, at its third floor, in a grandiose room filled with soft carpeting and flamboyant wallpaper, a woman laid on a silk King-sized bed, a red comforter keeping her warm.

She fluffed her pillow. “Sexually, these pillows are so soft and smooth, don’t you think?” Her voice was of low tone, similar to a man’s.

“I have to agree,” someone replied, getting in the bed with her. Ah, the woman is nearly naked, wearing only her underwear underneath the red comforter of her comfy bed, elegant with all its supple glory.

“Took you long enough to get back here from the window, hon,” she said. “You shouldn’t keep Mrs. Satan waiting sexually, you know.”

“Of course not,” the same person answered. His voice was deep and powerful, yet it was affectionate at the same time. “Now, rub my belly, would you?”

Mrs. Satan smiled. “Sexually with pleasure.” She began to stroke a humongous belly, brown and furry in its entire splendor.

* * * * *

“What do you mean we can’t see the Mayor!?” Gabriel cried in protest to a Lord Knight guarding the entrance to the Town Hall—golden double doors of horrific magnificence.

“I’m sorry but I cannot let you pass,” the Lord Knight replied. “I, Sylva, was entrusted the task of telling people off.”

“So you were hired to send visitors away?” Lenneth inquired, shocked.

Sylva nodded, his green eyes twinkling with assertion. “You got it.”

“What kind of nonsense is this!?” she yelled.

“This nonsense,” Sylva retorted, “is the Mayor’s will. By Her ****ing authority, I can send you two away for any reason whatsoever using any means necessary...even force.” He placed his hands on the hilt of a Katzbalger hoisted on his armored back.

“But we have to talk to her about the Crappy Royal Decree!!” the sniper argued. “This is a matter of urgency and morality!”

“Why don’t you two just get the **** out of here!?” Sylva demanded, slashing down with his gigantic blade.

“For morality’s sake, we must see Mrs. Satan!” the Valkyrie attested, unsheathing her Balmung. Its gray blade sparkled like a million suns, intense light and energy vibrating around it.

Gabriel brandished his Gakkung and aimed three arrows at the Lord Knight. “The things I do for the greater good.”

“You shall not pass!!!” Sylva bellowed. “Bowling Bash!”

* * * * *

“That feels good,” said the Mayor’s partner. “Very good. Keep going at it while I undress you.”

Mrs. Satan can only nod as she felt a hand groping her panties. It, too, felt ecstatic as the same hand removed them. She began to moan.

Suddenly, someone started knocking on the metal door to the left. “Mayor! Mayor Satan! We have a problem!”

The mayor stopped moaning even though their hands kept moving. “What do you want?” she angrily queried. “I’m doing something important here you know!”

“Someone’s breached the Town Hall, ma’am!” the guard frantically informed. “Lord Knight Sylva has been defeated!”

“Well, then do something sexually about it!” ordered the Mayor.

“That’s what we’re doing, ma’am!” he barked. “But we need to escort you to the panic chamber first!”

“No need,” she insisted. “I’m quite alright here, sexually.” She felt a warm, moist tongue licking the side of her face.

* * * * *

“You overwhelmed that Lord Knight, Lenneth,” Gabriel said. “Good job!” The two are in a hallway at the third floor, following a silver carpeting to the end of the corridor, where an Assassin Cross faced a doorway, shouting.

“But we need to escort you to the panic chamber first!”

“Looks like we’re pretty close.” The Valkyrie smirked.

The Assassin Cross had noticed them. “You two are good,” he said. “Let’s see you handle my security!”

Seven Assassins, five Lord Knights, and three Champions suddenly appeared out of nowhere and attacked Len and Gabe simultaneously.

Having no room to use his arrows, Gabriel took out his Gladius and engaged in hand-to-hand combat; in the meantime, Lenneth cast a few defensive skills on herself as she eluded multiple attacks.

* * * * *

“Ma’am! They’re here!” cried the guard. “The intruders are here!”

Mrs. Satan was silent; she was too busy gorging something big and long, sucking it like a lollipop.

“Ma’am?” the guard asked worriedly. “Are you there? You alright?”

The Mayor took the object out of her mouth and swallowed white, bubbly goo. “I’m here! I’m working on something important, I told you!”

“But they’re here, the intruders are here!”

“So? Take them out with your elite security squad!”

“But the ESS is being defeated! It’s impossible to imagine but I’m witnessing it right now! Some woman in shining armor and a sniper are making easy pickings out of the ESS! It’s as if my squad is fighting that dreadful Novice!”

Mrs. Satan’s partner stirred and reached for a long, gray scythe beside the bed. “I think I should take care of those two intruders myself.”

“You don’t need to do that,” she argued.

“But I…”

“Who’s your creampuff?” she started stroking her belly again.

“You are,” he said.

“Yeah, let’s do it.” The Mayor grinned. “Sexually, of course.”

* * * * *

The Assassin Cross was shocked to see his elite security team defeated by the two intruders. He cringed in fright as he backed into the wall.

“Now let us through!” Gabriel demanded.

“Sonic Blow!” Lenneth cried, swiftly slashing at her opponent with the Balmung.

* * * * *

Sounds of weapons clashing blared from outside, but Mrs. Satan and her partner did not care about it. Exposed to the outside, no longer covered by the red comforter, they engaged each other in what lascivious lechers call the “69 position”.

Abruptly, the door burst open. A woman in blue armor and a sniper with a balance hat entered swiftly not long after.

================

Number of censored words in this chapter: 2 That's right! Only two censored words in this chapter!
Current number of censored words: 131 = 129 + 2

This post has been edited by The Silent One: Sep 21 2006, 05:31 PM

[liureiyi]

HUWAAAA,.. e2 fave part ko,..

The sniper cowered in fright as thunder cackled over them without warning, lightning striking the tree behind them.

“I h-h-h-h-ha-ate l-l-li-light-n-ni-ning a-an-and t-t-th-thun-thunder!” Gabriel stammered, timorously trembling from fright.

“Don’t worry about it,” Lenneth calmly reassured him. “We have reasons for coming to this dreaded place…again.”

“L-l-like yo-you n-need to b-b-be wo-wor-worried!” sputtered the sniper. “Y-yo-you’re i-im-imo-mortal!”
“Whatever,” replied Len, grabbing Gabe’s shaking hand. She dragged the paralyzed sniper up the stairs with her, her eyes filled with the determination to make things right, to abolish the Crappy Royal Decree and punish the King for his idiocy.

tawa talaga ako ng tawa ini-imagine ko pa lang si Gabe,.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

yikees,.. hindi pambata yung content,. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/mellow.gif)

pero tolerable naman,.. /swt



gee,..kailangan talagang makipaglaban para dun sa CRD,..hihihi
feel ko ang bilis ng pacing nung kwento tapos puro flash sa laban nina Gaabe tapos shift sa bedroom?! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

/no1 kuya TSO ,.. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

[The Silent One]

Here's chapter 4. (aka part two of the big chapter 3...but I'm treating it as separate chaps. now (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif) )

gee,..kailangan talagang makipaglaban para dun sa CRD,..hihihi
feel ko ang bilis ng pacing nung kwento tapos puro flash sa laban nina Gaabe tapos shift sa bedroom?! (IMG:style_emoticons/default/blink.gif)

The focus of the chapter wasn't on the battle.

Anyway, here is the 4th chapter. Hope you'll enjoy it. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)

Disclaimer: Slightly obscene scenes/descriptions in the first segment (meaning before the first set of centered asterisks).

========================

Holy ****!

Lenneth and Gabriel had easily defeated the Assassin Cross and, though exhausted, managed to force the locked, reinforced metal door open.

Breaching it, they turned to the right and expected to see Mrs. Satan behind a desk with appalled eyes.

Instead, they were greeted with a horrible sight. Even the Assassin Cross, who was going to backstab the two, was shocked.

“WHAT THE ****!?” Gabriel and the Guard bellered at once. (Lenneth was just beside them with mouth agape.)

A humongous goat was lying on top of a person, its head sticking into the person’s private paraphernalia. Its brown furry skin and its great majestic horns were immediately recognized by the three, especially when they stared into its crimson eyes.

“Oh my God!” the Assassin Cross cried. “It’s…it’s…it’s…”

“Holy ****, it’s BAPHOMET!” Gabriel shrieked.

“How dare you interrupt us!” the goat monster bellowed furiously. He twisted and grabbed his scythe. Baphomet glared at them angrily with intent.

The Assassin Cross and the sniper quivered in terror but the Valkyrie remained standing, as if she had not noticed the goat monster at all. In reality, her attention was focused at the naked Mrs. Satan.

“Holy ****! Mrs. Satan’s a MAN!” Lenneth squalled, pointing at the Mayor.

Gabriel gravely stared at Len. It’s the first time she ever cursed!

His eyes moved to Baphomet and then the Mayor, who sat on the bed. He saw the erect “tool” of Mrs. Satan. “Holy ****!” he cursed. He was even more appalled when Mrs. Satan’s long blonde hair fell off, revealing short, military black hair.

“If you sexually value your life,” the Mayor screeched, “then sexually leave us alone and I’ll get back to you in my office downstairs! And never sexually mention this to anyone or else!”

“Yeah,” Baphomet clamored with his frighteningly deep voice. “Now get out!” With one sweep of the scythe, he sent all three out of the room and locked the door with powerful magic.

Turning to Mrs. Satan, he laid down his weapon. “Now where were we?”

“We were just about to ****,” she answered, ready for one hell of a—Baphomet was immediately upon her.

* * * * *

Mrs. Satan’s office: compared to the artistic elegance that themed the Town Hall, this room is bland, to the extreme. Lenneth recalled the expensive carpeting and sparkling chandeliers that filled the Town Hall and its three floors. She was pretty sure it was the same thing for every room, although both she and Gabriel went straight to Mrs. Satan’s room, having been there once the previous month.

Nothing in the room except a desk, a few couches, and a near-empty bookshelf; a 4 × 4 (feet) portrait hanged opposite the desk just beside the wooden door. It was a picture of Mrs. Satan, in all her masculinely feminine beauty.

Len shook her head. “Beautiful? After I saw what she really is, I don’t think so.” She chuckled.

Gabriel turned to her. “Why’re you laughing?”

“Nothing in particular,” she answered, adjusting herself in the couch for a more comfortable position. Her couch happened to be larger than Gabriel’s.

“It’s been thirty minutes since we were sent away by that...that monster,” the sniper spoke. “You think we should go back and check?”

“Gabriel, she—err, ‘he’ said to wait in the office—”

“Or else she’ll send Baphomet after us,” he completed. “Yeah, yeah, you told me that three times already.”

* * * * *

Ten minutes later, Gabriel can not take it anymore and his impatience went through the roof. “That’s it! I’m going up there right now and I’m letting no one stop me!”

He rose and walked to the door. As he reached for the doorknob, it suddenly flung open and made the sniper fly straight into the bookshelf behind him on the other side of the room. “OW!”

Baphomet, crouching, entered the office with the Scythe in hand. Strangely, he wore a formal suit, complete with leather pants and a tie. It looked awkward for a monster. He sat on the floor beside the desk—he was apparently too tall for the room.

Mrs. Satan followed the goat beast, wearing a sparkling gown and a monocle.

“Compared to what we saw a little while ago, she looks more mayorly now”, the sniper whispered to Lenneth.

“I agree,” she said. “But it’s mayoral, not mayorly, you doofus.”

Lord Knight Sylva and the Assassin Cross entered the room and closed the door behind them. Gabe recognized the latter—who took his place behind the Mayor—as the one Lenneth attacked with Sonic Blow.

“Okay,” started the Mayor. “First of all, I don’t want a single one of you sexually spreading the word concerning the unmentionables you just witnessed. Sylva, in your case, never tell anyone that two kids defeated an experienced Lord Knight like you. If any of you inform anyone else outside this room…”

Baphomet brought his hand to his furry neck and traced a line across it slowly.

“Get the picture?”

Sylva, the Assassin Cross, Gabriel, and Lenneth nodded silently.

“Oh, and Guard?”

The Assassin responded. “Yes, ma’am?”

“You’re fired.”

“WHAT!?” Guard exclaimed. “But I was only doing my job!”

“And you sexually sucked at it. Baphomet, dispose of him.”

The majestic goat pointed his scythe at the Assassin Cross. “Jupitel Thunder!” A ball of energy appeared and tackled Guard, pushing him out of the window and down to the ground meters below. A sickening splat was heard. Sylva remained attentively at his place, but he kept trembling out of fear. Having such a powerful monster like Baphomet in front of you will really make you experience a very terrifying and unnerving sensation.

“I’ll sexually take care of his lackeys later,” she added. “Such miserable failures.”

Gabe leaned towards the Valkyrie. “I don’t think we should mess with her.”

“Agreed.”

The mayor’s voice suddenly boomed. “JUST WHAT THE ****ING HELL ARE YOU TWO SEXUALLY MURMURING ABOUT!?” Baphomet readied his scythe.

Gabriel face-faulted and Lenneth began to sweat.

Gabe stuttered, “W-we w-were………just t-ta-talking about y-yo-your............your—”

Mrs. Satan slammed her palm on the desk. “SEXUALLY SPEAK CLEARLY!”

The sniper continued to ramble on with his gibberish. Fuming, the Mayor turned to Baphomet. “BAPHOMET, SILENCE HIM! HE’S SEXUALLY ANNOYING ME!!!”

The great goat beast pointed his scythe at the spluttering Gabriel. “Lex Divina!”

“I didn’t know,” Gabe blurted, “Baphomet can use Lex—” Suddenly his mouth can no longer move and a white, translucent, holographic speech bubble appeared above him, containing nothing but an ellipse.

Lenneth looked at Mrs. Satan and Baphomet warily. “I don’t understand! If memory serves me right, the Juno Professors never mentioned him”—she pointed at the latter—“using the Silencing spell!”

The Mayor smiled impishly. “You sexually see, my friend here is a working monster.”

“A working monster?” the Valkyrie repeated.

“Yes, every few hours he sexually goes to either Glast Heim Castle or the Forest Labyrinth. During his working hours, he can’t use his real skills, weapons, endurance, and strength on those adventurers who ‘hunt’ him for his ‘scythe’ and ‘horns’. Today just happens to be his day off.” She looked at him with dazzling eyes of benevolence.

“But how the hell does that explain his ‘deaths’!?”

“Sexually simple, my dear. Baphomet wears a hidden belt during his work shift. Once the belt gives out a signal and bestows the ‘MVP’ holographic icon on top of the best fighter, he just disappears, leaving a virtual death scene and the item he’s currently carrying.”

“What the—”

Baphomet finally addressed, “The Dark Lord’s my boss, and I’m the second-in-command. Everyone else works under us: the Golden Thief Bug, Moonlight, Orc Lord, Orc Hero, Drake, the Bio-lab doppelgangers at Lighthalzen, etcetera. You get the idea. Trust me, if we let loose our real powers, we could overwhelm the Kingdom of Rune-Midgard.”

“He’s right,” said the Mayor.

“But why?” Lenneth uttered. “Why would the Dark Lord manage such a system?”

“Ah, to answer that you have to ask the Dark Lord himself,” Mrs. Satan replied. “Getting back to serious business”—The Silencing Spell has finally worn off and the holographic speech bubble has disappeared—“and forgetting about my earlier ejaculations moments ago, I want to know why the ****ing, ****ting, *****ing hell you sexually barged into my Town Hall, especially MY ROOM, and disturbed me and my important mayoral duties!!!”

To be continued in...Colloquy with the Mayor.

=====================

Number of censored words in this chapter: 10
Current number of censored words: 141 = 131 + 10

This post has been edited by The Silent One: Sep 24 2006, 03:48 PM

[liureiyi]

yey,.. an update,.. pati ako natakot kay Bapho,.. /swt


i had palpitations while reading that chapter,..

I hope somebody would review your fic,.. /heh

I’ll be waiting for the updates,.. /thx

[The Silent One]

yey,.. an update,.. pati ako natakot kay Bapho,.. /swt

LOL

By the way, I noticed some fallacies in your sig (points at the purple font) (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[Nirvelli Sakray]

*PMs Nirvelli chan who is in some mountain somewhere*
[Wishper Wispher]

[Turns to Silent One]


WRANGLE WRANGLE WRANGLE!!!!

I just got off my heart medication not only do you like crossing the lines of my cencorship patience now you have introduced transexuals in your fics.

HOW~OLD~ARE~YOU??

As Punishement

*Grabs Chiyo chan's lock to her room*

Chiyo Mihima will be banned reading this section of the fic till she's married with kids.